Niggle
by Boo's House
Summary: A Friday Night O/C Oneshot. Theme: Supernatural. Can a Supernatural being help House learn to control his tongue?


House eased himself out of bed that morning expecting an ordinary day. He leg hurt just about as much as usual and the rest of his fifty year old body sang its usual chorus of aches and pains, as well.

As he considered the matter of his aging body, a decidedly female voiced pierced his left eardrum, "With an attitude like that, you'll be an old man before your time!"

House's eyes scanned the room, looking for the intruder within in his domicile.

"Face it the eyes are going, too!" The annoying voice again. "If you want to meet me without getting a kink in that neck of yours, you had best find a mirror"

"I didn't pick you up at Mayfield or I wouldn't have been allowed to leave. That means you are animal, vegetable or mineral."

"Wrong! You forgot supernatural! Maybe you ought to check back in to that Mayfield of yours! The mind is a terrible thing to waste and yours has been so wasted!" The voice had a tinge of something _Housian_ to it and House felt that he was being mocked.

"I'm fine, and you are the result of smoke and mirrors that Wilson has set up to entertain himself!" House called into the air "A real riot, Wilson, now show yourself before this stops being almost funny!"

"Have you found the mirror, yet or are you afraid that it will break when exposed to your ugly mug?" Each time the voice spoke, House felt a pulling within his head as though he was missing something. "You might try the bathroom. Often bathrooms have mirrors, idiot!"

House lumbered to the bathroom despite himself. "I do this every morning. You telling me to go into the bathroom has nothing to do with my actions!"

"You'll need to try harder if you are trying to prove to me that you are capable of original thought!"

House rolled his eyes and finished making his way to the bathroom. As he finished taking care of business the voice made him jump.

"Modesty isn't a hang up, either, I see." As if the voice had gotten a good look at his privates, her tone of voice changed into some thing like sultry. "Of course with a …."

"Shut up!" House washed his hands and finally took a good look in the mirror. Nothing. House saw nothing. If the voice had been implying that she was sitting on his shoulder then she had been sadly mistaken. House stopped his train of thought and shook his head. He was communicating with an unseen entity as if there was nothing wrong with that. House thought abut calling Mayfield and reserving a room.

"No need. You're just fine. That is if you call being a selfish, snarky, misanthrope fine." The voice chuckled, and then continued. "Look on your left shoulder. You'll find me there."

House looked. All he could see on his left shoulder was a speck the size of a flea. He tried to brush it off.

"HEY! Watch out! You've taken a do no harm oath, oaf. You're going to wrinkle the threads!"

House removed his shirt and threw it to the floor. He then reached in to turn on the shower. He started humming "The Itsy, Bitsy Spider."

"You can't wash me away or drown me. You're stuck with me."

"How long"

"You should know, you've live with it for years." The speck responded with that voice that had a hint of sultry.

"How long are you going to infest me, flea?" House's voice sounded as though he was considering a call to the exterminator.

"I'll just stay the day…maybe until tomorrow. It all depends on how fast you learn."

"Learn what?"

"That, Dr. House, is part of your education! You shower in private and I'll see you soon."

The place in House's head that felt like it was being nudged cleared and House finished getting ready for work.

House walked into Cuddy's office looking for his opportunity to annoy her like only he could do. As usual, her attire gave him the opening that he needed.

Good Morning, Cuddy. You must have a chapter meeting of Hookers Anonymous, this evening! The girls are looking especially perky today; as though they are going to spring forth from your low cut blouse and bludgeon me to within and inch of my life! How delightful!"

"If you think that this little comment has anything like wit or humor to it, you are sadly mistaken!"

"Oh who asked you?" responded House.

A look of bafflement spread over Cuddy's face. You insult me and then respond to my response before I give it? House, are you using again?"

The voice had returned without warning and was back with a vengeance. Apparently, no one but House could hear her.

"I just figured that I would save time, Cuddy. Your responses tend to put me to sleep"

"Lame!" The voice.

House opened his mouth to answer it but stopped himself. Cuddy was the last person who needed to know about his imaginary friend.

"Uh Cuddy, your nipples are showing!"

House used the time it took for Cuddy to check her assets to leave her office. If the Flea hadn't arrived, it would have been a great row!

House bit his tongue until he got to his office. Unfortunately, the Flea saw fit to keep a running commentary on his interaction with the dean.

"Of all the inane things to say to the woman! She is your boss, you know! You have a one track mind right into the gutter. One day you are going to open your mouth and she is going to plant her foot square in your face! How long do you think it will take before she breaks?"

House opened his mouth to speak, but thought better of it. He needed his Bluetooth. Once he arrived at his office and made sure that no one was around, he responded to the onslaught of words that he had just endured.

"One – Flea, that wasn't fair! You could have warned me! Cuddy's gonna have me committed again!"

"No, she won't. She likes your black soul for some reason that's beyond me."

"Two – How is berating everything I say going to teach me anything, Flea?"

"The name is Niggle, not Flea. As for whether you are remotely educable, that remains to be seen."

House smiled at her name. The sensation he felt when he heard her voice was exactly that – a niggle. "Clever!"

House left his office and headed over to see Wilson. "Wilson, lunch out today, something expensive. I want to spend your money."  
"House, would it hurt you if just once, you knocked before barging in?"

"Oops, Dying person, sorry." House slammed the door and braced himself for Niggle's attack.

"Well, Mr. Sensitive! You sure know how to step in it, great job!"

"Dying people need a little levity in their lives!"

"Right, that guy had just found out that he was dying thirty seconds before you entered."

"Oh."

House sat silently and waited to hear the door to Wilson's office open and then close. He got up and headed to Wilson's office a different man than when he had originally entered. House knocked and waited for permission to enter.

"Wilson, what I said was inappropriate. I should be more careful about what I say when you have a patient."

As Wilson's brain was working to comprehend what had just happened, House heard Niggle. "Oh, House, That was perfect. You were humble and to the point." Her words, instead of grating, were like a drink of water to his parched soul. He was satisfied and yet anxious for more.

"Uh, that's okay House, really" Wilson looked at House as though he had grown a third eye. "We both know that you've done worse and never apologized. What gives?"

"I just seemed like the thing to do?" House sounded as though he was asking to see if he was giving the right answer.

Wilson smirked at House. "Just don't let it happen again."

House nodded.

Niggle responded with her _honey voice_, Kindness has its advantages, doesn't House. You totally disarmed Wilson just now."

House sighed the sigh of a man satisfied.

"What was that, House?" Wilson brought his friend back from his reverie.

"Nothing Wilson." House left without another word and quietly closed the door.

By the time House arrived back at his office, the ducklings had gathered.

"Well if it isn't Black, Bi, and Besmirched! Does this mean we have a case or are you here to worship at my feet? Of course, if you're here to worship, get lost. You're unworthiness fills me with disgust and an offering to appease the God of all that is me in order."

The piercing voice that was Niggle, resounded in House's ear. "May you live to get all that you deserve, you insufferable, egotistical imbecile!" House winced and shook his head to rid himself of the sound.

Thirteen noticed and felt a wave of concern flow through her. "Are you okay, House? You don't look so well."

"I have an irritating pain in my ear. It's as if a _flea_ is biting the eardrum."

"Time for a flea dip, House?" asked Taub in mock concern.

"Ah, a mercy killing for the fleas!" quipped Foreman.

"House is in pain, you guys! Give him a break! I recommend his neck!" Thirteen grinned evilly, throwing off the sensation of sympathy that she had experienced.

House started to snark back but stopped suddenly and rethought his response.

"Good one, guys. I guess I deserved that." House tried a friendly smile but it fell short.

The shriek had once again turned to honey. "It takes time House, give it time."

House relaxed at the sound of her voice and tried again with his team.

"The pain seems to have passed. I'm fine. Do we have a case?"

Foreman shoved a file to House who opened it and quickly perused its contents.

"I'm confident that as a team you can get this figured out, but I think I'll go introduce myself to the patient." House stood with his cane and left the room.

"He must have a bet going with Wilson. House is never that nice unless he's going to get something out of it," said Thirteen, once House was out of earshot.

"Maybe he's in big trouble with Cuddy," suggested Foreman.

Taub's voice dripped with sarcasm, "Yeah, Cuddy. If House is out of line Cuddy can always rein him in with a word."

Foreman snorted. "Right"

House arrived in the room of patient. He didn't really want to be there, but he was testing a theory that he had about Niggle. He smiled as he entered the room.

Hello, I'm Dr. House, your attending physician." House held out his hand for the patient to shake.

"Oh my God, the doc is a gimp! I had better be getting a discount if I can't have a whole doctor."

House tried to see the humor in the comment. "Funny! You have a great sense of humor, I see."

"I'm serious as a heart attack! Any doctor stupid enough to get so damaged that they need to use a cane for the rest of their life ought to be banned from practicing. God alone knows how I can trust you to take care of me if you can't take care of yourself!"

House remembered why he hated dealing with patients. Abruptly he turned and left the room.

House paced outside the patient's room for quite some time. He knew that anything he would say the patient would deserve to hear. It would be worth hearing Niggle berate him for his actions just to tell that guy what he thought. On the other hand, House knew that if he held his tongue, Niggle's honey-voiced persona would emerge and House could feel that sense of satisfaction filling him again.

House re-entered the patient's room and paced before him. He would open his mouth to speak and then close it again. Once he raised his cane as though he intended to strike the patient. Finally, House walked to the door and pulled it shut. He also drew the blinds. House walked over to the patient and then got nose to nose with him.

House's voice was just above a whisper "You deserve to be told every thought that I've had about you. You deserve to be bludgeoned with my cane, but instead I'm going to let bygones be bygones provided you do one thing for me."

"I'm shakin' in my boots, give me a reason to care."

House commenced pacing again. "I can't….I won't." House tightened, and then eased his grip on the cane "Just don't let anyone know I didn't give you what you deserved. I have a reputation to uphold and if word gets out that I didn't let you have it, well let's just say that…." House's voice trailed off.

"As if I care about whether anyone thinks you're turning into a girl!"

House lifted his cane and brought in down swiftly and sharply across the patient's head. Not even Niggle's honey voiced crooning could have prevented it. House felt a deep sense of satisfaction as he left the patient's room.

House held his cell phone to his ear as he walked down the hall. That way he would be spared a ticket back to Mayfield. "Let me have it! He deserved it and now I deserve it. Give it to me with both barrels. I'm prepared."

Niggle's voice had an edge but it was half-hearted as she started on him, "All you had to do was walk out of the room! You just needed to place one foot in front of the other and escape! How hard can it be! Oh, that's right, you're lame and one leg doesn't work either! You have the brain of a …." Niggle sighed. "I can't do it. That guy deserved everything he got. Everyone else you harass and mock are innocent victims. But this guy was a bigger ass than even you!

"Thanks," replied House. "It means a lot to me coming from a cockroach." The smile in his voice kept Niggle from doing her job and giving him the berating he deserved. So what do you look like? A flea? A very little person? A sexy hot dame? When are you going to show yourself?

"You've about gotten this thing figured out. Tonight, I think, that is provided you don't screw up too badly between now and then. Do you think that you could come up with a moral to this little lesson if I put you on the spot?" This time as Niggle had spoken the sensation was nice but not overwhelmingly good or bad. It was pleasant though, and House had the desire to continue to listen.

House had reached his office to find it and the conference room unoccupied. He put away his phone and settled in his recliner. He sounded as though he was reciting a lesson. "Yes, Miss Niggle, I understand perfectly. When I speak to others, my words have an impact. They can cause pain or pleasure depending on the content and the tone of voice that I use. Are you going to reward me now?" Houses eyebrows wiggled suggestively until the room started to shimmer and then fade out.

House found himself in his bedroom in bed with absolutely the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was, literally, the girl of his dreams. Still in puzzle mode he asked. "So what about that patient I cracked with my cane."

"Some people get what they deserve!"

"Like now?" The eyebrows again.

She smiled at him seductively and replied, "I'll let you be the judge of that!" House's reward commenced shortly and he was thoroughly satisfied.

Those were the last words House ever heard from Niggle. He remembered his lesson though, and when he had the need to snark he went at it with relish as he always had, but later, when he calmed down, the recipient just might get something that could be interpreted as a apology, if they looked really hard.


End file.
